This past Friday night (July 26th), I went to a show at The Back Room. For those that don’t know, it’s a really cool small venue that’s connected to the Colectivo coffee shop on Prospect in Milwaukee. The band I went to see was Minnesota’s very own Tiny Moving Parts. What I saw was the show of a lifetime.

I went with my best friend, Jake, who has been a fan of the band longer than me, and he was pretty excited. He had shown me a couple of their music videos a while back, but I didn’t remember what songs they were for. Needless to say, I was excited to go see them because the Back Room is a fun show spot. When the band stepped on the stage, the crowd went nuts. Then they kicked into their first song…and then shit got even more nuts. Their frontman/guitarist, Dylan Mattheisen, instantly started jumping and running around the stage while singing and tapping out guitar parts that left me speechless. Their drummer, Bill Chevalier, was in the pocket of all these grooves and didn’t miss a beat (I wanted to see him and his glorious mustache more, but people were jumping around the whole time — more on that later). Their bassist, Matt Chevalier, mostly stayed put on stage right but still kept the rhythm going and screamed his vocal parts, too. By the second song in the set, which was “Applause” off their last record Swell, I was hooked. When they got to their song “Happy Birthday,” off their 2016 album Celebrate, I turned into a fan.

The crowd was just as chaotic, with Jake getting in on the action. Personally, I don’t mosh at shows, but I will jump around and sing lyrics back to the band. I only jumped around because the crowd was moving a lot. Jake, on the other hand, did all three of what I just mentioned. I’ve known him since we were in middle school, and I have never seen him go nuts during a show like how he did for this one. To be fair, how could you not? All the members are talented and tight as heck live, so it was hard to wipe the smile off my face as the hour long set kept rolling along. There was never a dull moment, and the band and crowd both made sure it stayed that way. It made me so happy that he was having the time of his life that night because I’ve had that feeling at a lot of shows. Heck, I’ve had that feeling during shows that I’ve played with my own band. We weren’t the only ones having a blast there, either. The Back Room holds about 250-300 people, and it was about that capacity by the time TMP came on. A good majority of the crowd screamed the lyrics back to Dylan, and the band fed off that like wildfire. It was such a magical experience that I bought Swell on vinyl at their merch table after the show!

On the drive back home, I got to thinking about what my friend and I just witnessed. I thought about all the concerts, both big and small, and how people go nuts when their favorite band comes onto the stage. There may be jumping, moshing, and singing along. Humans of different age range, sexual orientation, race, and religion all have their own way of expressing their emotions of excitement during a show. That being said, people go to shows for one thing: to have a good time. That is exactly what Jake and I had that night. That’s what I have had many a time at both local shows and at bigger arena-type concerts. The same amount of excitement and adrenaline I get from seeing a band as big as Green Day or Slipknot is the same amount when I go see bands like Mud Dog or Gold Route (check both of them out, by the way — had to get that plug in somehow). I’m not alone in that regard, either. I’ve seen insane crowds over the multitude of shows that are both DIY and at events such as Rock USA up in Oshkosh. It’s a release of energy, and if you ask me, it’s the best release of energy I can think of.

Before TMP played that night, Jake and I got to become acquainted with a guy who looked to be about our age. We were casually talking before the band went on about music that we liked, shows we’ve seen, and what we all do for work. Super chill guy, really hope he’s reading this. I also saw a bunch of people that I became friends with in the local scene who were also big fans of the band we were all about to see, and when I told them that I hadn’t listened to their music before, they all had the same reaction: “Really?! You’re gonna have the time of your life!” They were all very much correct on that part. It was very cool to see a band that had my music friends excited and eager just as much as it made Jake feel that way.

After the band was done playing, Jake saw that Matt, the bassist, was putting away his gear on stage. We then decided to go talk to him. Jake was the first to act, saying that the show was cool and how amazing he thought they were. Matt thanked him, to which I told him how I have never seen my friend happier at a show like this until tonight. He chuckled, and thanked me as well. We then asked for a picture, which he said sure, but we didn’t realize that he was wearing a knee-brace of some sort…oops. Thankfully, he was down for getting the selfie with us (see pic). We shook his hand, thanked him again for an awesome show, and off to the merch table we went. I got the vinyl, Jake got a shirt, thanked the merch table guy, and off we went.

On the way back to Grafton, Jake and I listened to Celebrate in his car. Still feeling the rush of energy from the show, we were both geeking out about what we just saw. I mentioned the song “Happy Birthday” earlier in this blog for a specific reason. There’s a lyric that is repeated a couple of times, “I think I think too much.” Remember how I said I became a fan after hearing that song live for the first time? That lyric is the reason why. Because of what I have been going through in terms of my mental health (see previous post “My Mental Health”), I thought two things after hearing that lyric: “Damn, I wish I wrote that,” and “Wow, I definitely see why people love this band and why they go see them live.”

Such a cool band, such an amazing show, and it just goes to show that going to shows, local or bigger, is powerful beyond words. Also, do yourselves a favor, and please listen to Tiny Moving Parts. Don’t sleep on them like I did before my best friend and I had the time of our lives.

Hey, all. It’s been a little while since I’ve written one of these posts, so lemme bring you up to speed on everything:

1. It’s been six months since going pescatarian (woo!)
2. The current band is going strong, and we just got our first set of merch to sell at shows!
3. Still with my current girlfriend (AKA Jessica, AKA the best human in the world)
4. My anxiety has gone up and down, but hey, it happens

Now that you’re all brought up to speed, on to the blogging. Because I haven’t been doing this for a hot minute, my brain was bouncing back and forth and what the heck I should write about. I want to write about something that has been a constant in my life but never really tackled in any kind of writing that I’ve done. After a little bit of thinking, I settled on something that most people, if not everybody can relate to, friendship!

I am beyond thankful for still having friends that I still keep in contact with. Some I’ve known since middle school and high school, and some I met at UW – Milwaukee. Some friends of mine are people that I’ve met while being around the local music scene in Milwaukee. My oldest friend out of all of them is my friend Jake. He and I have known each other since middle school, became friends in 7th grade, and we still live a block away from each other to this day. Next there’s Tyler, a funny dude who started hanging out with me in 8th grade as we played Motley Crue songs together, and then there’s Tim and Max, people that played with me in the band I helped start in high school. These dudes were only a few of the friends that I had while I was in high school, but they were the ones that I hung out with most often. They also were all in the different friend groups I had while I was in high school.

The three distinct categories of friend circles were the band peeps, the theater peeps, and the nerd peeps. The band peeps included people that I played music with, whether it was in band class or outside of school. The theater peeps included people that acted in the school musicals/did choir instead of band (you did one or the other, and if you could do both, you didn’t have time for theater — or at least to my knowledge you didn’t). The nerd peeps were the ones that were a different group altogether, and they were the people that I usually sat at lunch with/sometimes hung outside of school with them. Some band and theater peeps co-mingled, and some nerd peeps talked to a few band peeps here and there, but there were definitely peeps from all three circles of friends that never crossed paths. In high school, keeping up with my friend groups was a 24-hour-a-day job.

Once I graduated high school, there were some friends that stuck around, and others that went off and did their own thing. I moved into a dorm room and made a couple of friends within the first few days of my freshman year at college. These are, as you guessed it, my college peeps. They include characters such as Michael and Justin, the first two music majors that I became friends with in Sandburg West. Next there’s Stephen, who would later go on to play with me in the first incarnation of Second Charm and in Nobody’s Fault, and then my boys Mack and James, the guys that I lived with when I lived in a duplex (Six Feet Downer forever — RIP Charm Palace). While in college, I did my podcast, “Music Sucks,” and by doing that, I got to know and become friends with some of the bands that I interviewed. That group is called the local scene peeps. I don’t see them as often because they are doing their own things with their respective bands, but because we have helped each other out with shows and exposure, I consider a lot of musicians friends.

Recently, I’ve been thinking about what the word “friend” means. Some people are “new friends,” some people have “best friends,” some people “used to be friends in high school but not anymore,” and some people become friends later on in life after they graduate or move out of their hometown. I had friends back in elementary school that I stopped hanging out with in middle school, and I also had friends in high school that I don’t really talk to much since going to college. Friends can come in and out of lives like that no matter what the circumstances. Friends can have fallouts and not speak for a long time, if ever. Friends can pass away unexpectedly and can remind you of certain events where you did hang out once. Friends can become adults and have busy lives, barely having time to reach out and hang out with people they saw every day at school. I have experienced each of those things throughout my 23 years on planet Earth, and I’ll be darned if I’m the only one in the world who has. Sometimes it ain’t the easiest when people leave your life, but when you find people that enter it and stick around, that’s a great feeling. It’s even greater when friends can cheer you up and have your mood turn on a dime for the better. I know that I have friends that do that for me every day.

I’m grateful to have become friends with a multitude of people for a multitude of reasons, and if you are someone who has been in my life for a really long time and are reading this post, even if we don’t talk or see each other as much as we used to, I care about you. A lot.

If you haven’t seen Avengers: Endgame by now, get out from under your rock and go to a theater and see it! Better yet, brush up on some of the past Marvel Cinematic Universe movies first. Which ones? All of them.

Just like last year with Avengers: Infinity War, Marvel put out what I refer to as “The MCU Challenge.” The rules are simple: watch one movie per day leading up to the release of the newest and biggest movie of the summer. I did not do said challenge last year, but with the hype and anticipation of Endgame running through my veins 24/7, I figured I should get my fix this time around. Think about it: a film series that spans 22 movies in 11 years all leading up to what may be the end of certain superheroes (spoiler alert, it definitely did). What better way to prepare for this epic final showdown between Earth’s Mightiest Heroes and Thanos than with an epic (and admittedly over-the-top) movie marathon. Well that’s exactly what my girlfriend and I did.

How did we prepare? Well, we knew that we had to watch a minimum of one movie per day, and that included Captain Marvel, which was still in theaters at the time. I was not against seeing it again for a third time (second for my girlfriend) for the sake of the challenge because I really liked the movie. The only movie that I was willing to skip was 2008’s The Incredible Hulk. Now, before y’all rip me a new one, I think it is an okay movie, but the placement of it in the MCU chronological timeline is confusing. Speaking of which, I should touch on that now: the way we watched the movies was in what I’ll call “MCU Chronological Order” meaning we watched the movies in the order that the events take place in the timeline by year. I knew I didn’t want to watch them all in release order. I felt that it would be more fun and feel a little more linear if we watched them in “chronological” order.

I brought up before that I said we had to watch a minimum of one MCU movie per day. The reason why I say “minimum” is because my girlfriend and I had to make sure we had time in both of our schedules to watch them all together. Turns out, we averaged at about two movies per day; sometimes one, mostly two, and three on the day before Endgame came out. For someone who has never done a movie marathon like this in their life, I was up for it. And at about the three-quarter mark, I wanted to give up.

I know what you’re thinking. Me, of all people, wanted to not continue watching superhero movies in preparation for a new one?! Well, yeah. My girlfriend was on the same boat as me, and there were times that I could tell that we both didn’t want to keep going. But for the love of all things Marvel, we did it. I have no idea how looking back on it, but we did it. I don’t remember how we watched most of the movies in the middle (not by order, I meant by how the days went), but I remember the final day. We had three movies to finish: Doctor Strange, Thor: Ragnarok: and Infinity War (which is a perfect trilogy of movies to watch in that order because they all fall back to back to back). If you don’t know by now, Infinity War is about 2.5 hours long. Longer movies can be about that length, but let me hit you with some more facts:

That was the last movie we had to watch before seeing Endgame. We watched Infinity War at about 7 o’clock that night. We were seeing Endgame, which is three hours and two minutes long, the following morning…at 8 AM. Now again, don’t rip me another new one, hear me out: we knew those tickets were gonna sell out instantly opening weekend, so I figured we should see it as early as possible. That meant getting up at 6:15 (or 6:30, I can’t remember) and getting to the theater at least a half hour early to go to the bathroom once or twice before the movie. At this point, there was no turning back, and I was confident that I was going to enjoy the movie no matter what.

How much did I enjoy it? I cried like a little kid four times. Endgame is not only a great movie that ties 22 movies all together, but it’s in my top 5 Marvel movies of all time. Not just MCU movies, but Marvel/superhero movies in general. My heart was both full and broken the first time I saw it, and it was just as fun and emotional the second time I saw it. It was the most satisfying ending to a saga I could ever ask for…until Star Wars Episode IX comes out (but who knows).

Overall, the marathon with modified rules was a fun time. I feel like if my girlfriend and I ended up making the strictly one movie a day part work, it would’ve been better, but real life happens, and that’s okay. And all that matters is that we did it successfully and made the marathon work. Would I recommend doing this again? HECK NO I DON’T! But once Endgame & Spider-Man: Far from Home are out on DVD, it’ll be interesting to watch them back to back. But I am glad that I powered through 22 movies in the span of a few weeks and didn’t die from doing so. I would also like to thank my girlfriend for going on this MCU journey with me and not killing me during it. Now to wait until December when I binge the Star Wars saga in preparation for Episode IX (thankfully not as many movies)!

All throughout 2018, I hosted a music podcast where I interviewed local bands and talked about the music scene in Wisconsin. This year, I’m calling it quits. But first, a history lesson:

Back in the spring of 2015, I started getting interested in the world of podcasting. The first couple of podcasts that I fell in love with were The Jasta Show (hosted by Jamey Jasta of Hatebreed), Lead Singer Syndrome (hosted by Shane Told of Silverstein), and Famatn Beyond (hosted by Kevin Smith; formerly title Fatman on Batman). I became fascinated with the idea of interviewing someone and putting that conversation out for people to hear. Back before podcasting became popular, I was the kid that was obsessed with watching interviews of my favorite musicians (hell, I’m still that guy that’ll watch those videos for hours on end). So, in light of podcasts becoming very trendy, I decided to use the form of media to interview musicians that I knew.

The first podcast I ever did was called “Music in the Basement” in 2016. Spoiler alert: only one episode was recorded in a basement. I took elements from interviews that I enjoyed watching on repeat, and that was essentially how I started to learn the basics of interviewing. The only platform I thought podcasts existed on was SoundCloud, so that’s where I wound up releasing the episodes on. Very low budget recording, too. I was using my laptop mic to record the interviews and MAYBE used the mic on Skull Candy earbuds to record the intro and outro. Overall, I enjoyed interviewing people that I knew were musicians, and even got to make new friends along the way. I wound up doing only nine episodes over the course of the end of my freshman year of college to sometime in my sophomore year of college. Why only nine? I was still trying to figure out a balance between school/homework, working on campus, practicing/writing for my music classes (I was still a music major at this point), so everything got way too busy. That, and while I was using a standard SoundCloud account, I didn’t have a lot of space to put hour long episodes. At one point, I did pay to use premium account so I could upload more long episodes, but then that just became a waste of money and time.

By the end of my sophomore year, that podcast went kaput. I rediscovered making music around the same time, and that was when the idea of forming a band again came to my head. This would lead to Second Charm taking over my life, but around the end of 2017, I had the itch to start podcasting again. A friend of mine told me about a friend of his that was starting up his own network to create and produce other people’s podcasts. I figured I should give him a ring, and low and behold, I was sitting in a Starbucks with the mighty Graham Zima. We got to talking about his network, aptly named the Zima Podcasting Network, and how he got started doing podcasting and whatnot. I told him about the old podcast I did and how I basically wanted to refresh it. I had started making friends and connections from being involved in the Milwaukee music scene, and I wanted to interview them so people could hear about them and check out their music.

Graham was up for the idea, and now it just needed a name. I had a list of a couple ideas, and the one he liked the best was “Music Sucks.” Oddly enough, not my first choice, but Graham’s the boss. As stated before, the format of the show would stay the same, but the name would be different, and the guests would be more prominent. The biggest and best piece of advice I ever got from Graham is as follows: structure, Structure, STRUCTURE!! This was something I had an issue with on my first go-around because I had a structure for questions to ask, but back then, I had absolutely no structured intro or outro…which I would try to record those in one take…which would take about seven times to get a successful take. Anyway, this is one of the top pieces of advice I could give to someone that wants to start up their own podcast because that will help the content creator decide on what topics they want to talk about for their show, episode, week, etc.

I am not kidding when I say this: when people started digging “Music Sucks” and that musicians wanted to be on it, I was stunned. Don’t worry, I was surprised in the best possible way! It was great to see a lot of positive feedback from friends, family, and fellow musicians. It felt amazing, even during a period of time where I had to record episodes on my own when Graham was busy during the summer. Even then, I enjoyed the heck out of it. Everything from still doing the standard interviews, to STS episodes (STS means “Shoot T=the Sh*t where I talk about band’s discographies with friends) to the year in review episodes that I did for 2017 and 2018.

By October/November of 2018, I had lost a little bit of interest, but I figured that I should finish out the year. I actually ended up doing a couple episodes (three, I think) earlier this year, but something didn’t feel right. Let me be clear that every episode I have recorded was always a genuine blast to do. I don’t think I’ve ever had a bad guest on “Music Sucks.” That being said, I had kinda been losing interest in the show as a whole. Why?

The first reason I had gotten bored of doing the same format of interviewing. That’s why I started doing the STS episodes and even started up a new show called “This Might Get Worse” (a sub-series that was originally supposed to be its own show but is now a tie-in with the main show). Those were things to help keep my interest and love for doing the podcast up, but unfortunately, it just wasn’t enough. The second reason is because my schedule had become nuts what with commuting to school from home, working back home, getting ready to graduate in the winter, and even with the events happening in my life as of earlier this year. I started focusing on everything else except for podcasting. I figured since I was feeling uninspired, it was time to hang up the “Music Sucks” hat for good.

The third reason was the Graham’s life had become busy and was changing, as well. Without trying to go into too much detail, the network was changing directions in a way that I cannot keep up with anymore. I would like to make things clear again: I am happy with what Graham is doing the network, and the fact that he’s been running the show mostly by himself is awe-inspiring. I really wish I had the strength to do all that he is doing with the network along with accomplishing other goals he has in his life. For me, I’m not that kind of person.

Which brings me to the fourth and final reason: I wanna stay as focused as I can on what I consider important to me creatively. Those things include me playing in my current band, Nobody’s Fault, toying around with some solo ideas at my leisure, and this blog that you are currently reading right now. That’s pretty much it. And to bring up something again, one of the main reasons why I started doing this blog was because I had become uninterested in keeping the podcast rolling along. If there is anything that I have learned, it’s this: putting energy into only a select number of things is better than putting energy into everything you say “yes” to. You won’t stretch yourself too thin, and you’ll get way better outcomes from it.

That all being said, I would like to thank every single musician that I interviewed for “Music Sucks,” every single person who listened to the podcast and supported it, and to Graham Zima, for without him, I would not have had all the opportunities that came my way from doing the podcast. If you wanna listen, almost every episode of “Music Sucks” is on Spotify, iTunes, anchor.fm and on the Zima Podcasting Network’s website. Also, please support/listen to the other podcasts that are on the network because they’re also very entertaining!

The month of May is known as Mental Health Awareness Month. About 44 million adults experience a mental illness during any given year. I’m one of those 44 million.

I have always been a worry-wart (I get that from my mother) since I can remember. I find myself always overthinking situations and making up scenarios and false outcomes in my head way more than I’d like to admit. Part of it is because of my Asperger’s, which I was diagnosed with when I was five years old, but once I started going to college, my worrying skyrocketed. A lot of stuff contributed to the worrying: starting college level classes, trying to make friends, balancing homework and part-time jobs, switching majors twice, living in an off-campus house, you name it. Typical real-world college kid stuff, right? Yes, but should I have worried about it as much as I did? Probably not, but it happened anyway.

Around this time last year, I went to the campus psychiatrist to talk about everything that had been troubling me up to that point. Shortly before that appointment, I had ended a relationship, which I will not go into detail about that for the sake of both my and the other person’s privacy. But, that was overall a tipping point, for lack of a better phrase. The psychiatrist lady told me that she would diagnose me with GAD, which stands for Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Makes sense considering my anxieties were heightened to no end for who knows how long, so it was nice to get a professional opinion. She also told me to see a therapist, and since I was moving back home soon, I agreed to do so.

I moved back home to Grafton in June of 2018, and soon after, I started seeing a therapist. The first session was a summary of my life up to that point leading up to why I was seeing her. I’ve seen her at least once a month each month since then. As I type this, I just now realized that I’ve been going to therapy for my GAD for almost a year. I’ve never had a bad session in all the times that I’ve seen her. Every time I talk about my problems and want to make them the focus, she always wants to talk about the positives first and then weave my anxieties into a conversation and see what I can do about it. She’s pretty cool, not gonna lie. Shout-out to my mom for recommending her (they used to work together).

Now I know it is cliché to say that everyone still has their ups and downs, even when they seek professional help. But I will tell you right now that it is 100% factual. So much has gone on in my life since going to therapy, both good and bad, and there are times when there is more bad than good. Some people may know this already, but I’ve been bouncing back and forth between jobs since last June. I’ve held onto one from July of last year until April of this year (with one in between), but due to unforeseen circumstances, the store is now closed, and I’ve been off work for a bit. I finally took a little vacation to North Carolina to visit my aunt and uncle. It was a much-needed break from the frozen hell that Wisconsin has been experiencing lately, and it was great to spend some time with my family. When I came back home, and during the last day I was in NC, I was, for whatever reason, feeling blue.

I should specify that I have never been diagnosed with depression, but I have had days where I’ve felt sad on the inside. I also know that symptoms of depression and anxiety can overlap. Having trouble concentrating, sleeping and eating (both too much or too little) are some of those overlapping symptoms. Having trouble concentrating is the one thing I’ve dealt with the longest, but not sleeping enough is something that’s been happening as of recent, and my diet has been a roller coaster since I was a teenager. I like to think that the first two apply more to me than all three collectively, but still. I should also note that I’ve never been on any antidepressants/medication, and I don’t plan on starting them any time soon.

As I’ve started being more open about my GAD, I’ve come to learn that I’m not the only one in my friend group and family tree that struggles or have had struggles with mental health. They’ve all been supportive of me for getting help as I am of them. I’m very, very thankful for my parents, aunts, uncles, siblings, cousins, friends, and girlfriend for supporting me and sticking by my side when times get troubling. I love you all.

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you are not alone. If you are struggling with a mental illness, it’s okay to talk to someone about it. You have people that care about you and love you so much, and they will always be there for you no matter what you are going through. Those people exist in your life, and they are thankful that you exist, too. I know I’m thankful.

The majority of my friend group lives on their own, whether it’s by themselves, with roommates, or their significant others. They could also be living outside of their hometown or close by to where their parents live. Some have pets, some don’t. Me? I’m at home, baby, and I’m loving it.

I come from good ol’ Grafton, Wisconsin which has a population of about 11,500. A lot of people know a lot of people that live there. It’s also near a few other cities including Cedarburg, Port Washington, Saukville, and Mequon. I had friends growing up from almost all of those places, so if you’re reading this, whassup? Going to college in Milwaukee was a big step for me personally because it’s the biggest city I’ve ever lived in (Population: ALMOST 600,000 WTF I WASN’T EXPECTING THAT AT ALL) both in the dorm rooms and off campus. I felt lucky to have made a lot of friends by going to UWM, and I’m still close to a handful since graduating. So, how was it living on my own in the city? Here’s how:

Starting off in the dorm buildings (shout-out to Sandburg West Tower) was probably the smartest decision for the first three of years of college. Yeah, that’s right, I lived in the dorm rooms for three years. So? There were too many moving parts that contributed to me living in an undersized dorm room with one other person. I was a music major for the first two, taking about 16-18 credits, trying to have a job on campus (later off campus), switching majors, all the while trying to maintain a personal life and relationship at the time. Let’s just say I had to be very, very patient to live on my own in the city. But overall, I’m actually thankful that I didn’t jump into an apartment right away. I think if you’re just starting out as a college student, please try to live in the dorm rooms for your freshman and (maybe) sophomore year. You won’t be alone, even if you live in a dorm room without a roommate! There’s still a lot of other students that are shy and nervous about making friends just like you. Heck, I didn’t live with a roommate that I had known prior to college until my junior year. And I didn’t even know that he was going to school there until halfway through my sophomore year! Living in the dorms is an easy way to make at least one friend, which almost guarantees making many more. That’s if making friends from classes doesn’t work out, which, either way, one of those methods is bound to work.

I figured by the end of my junior year, it was time to ditch the dorms for a potential apartment. But where? And with how many people? I had to find people, and soon. Luckily, I did! My dear friend/coworker, Mack, lived in a duplex on Downer Avenue with a friend of his named James. They had a third person that was moving out that summer, and Mack asked if I wanted in. One trip to the Rave to see the mighty Descendents with him and James later, I was in. That whole year living with them was hilarious chaos in the best possible way. From late night YouTube binges, to discussions about movies and music, to cooking in a kitchen the size of my bedroom, to the attic parties, it was all entertaining and nerve-wracking at the same damn time. I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

I was excited but very nervous about living on my own off campus. I’m not trying to badmouth either of my parents, but I was on my own for rent and utilities. My mom helped out with groceries, which I’m still thankful for to this day, but other than that, I was living how they were living when they were in college: I was fending for myself. Their parents, my grandparents, didn’t help either one of them out with rent, or textbooks, or food when they were going to college, so by default, my sister and I (we were the ones going to college first) were going off od their parenting method, which was how they were raised. I understand why they would do that, but I’m also very envious of my friends who have parents that help them out so that way the child doesn’t have to pay a dime. I’m also aware that that’s also a little far fetched for some people, but they’re out there. Either way, I’m happy, for the most part, about how living on my own in Milwaukee went down because I was surrounded by people who were struggling to survive with me for the same reasons.

The flipside to that happiness is that my bank account got drained. Fast. The landlord that we had at the time was not the greatest. Mack and James had dealt with him prior to me moving in, so they knew his ways better than I did. For one thing, our rent was stupidly high for the living conditions we were in. The house was old, somewhat dirty from previous owners, and the utility bills weren’t the greatest either. Yes, three people paying the bills was better than only one, but if I told you the numbers, I expect two reactions: 1. “Well, it is Milwaukee, it’s bound to be costly.” & 2. “THAT MUCH?! IN THAT HOUSE?!” Because of all that, as well as buying my own food and my own fun stuff, I knew early on that I was only going to live with them for a year. Buy month four of living down there, I knew I wasn’t going to afford living in the city, let alone that specific house. There were months that I could only afford to pay my share of rent and no utilities (shout-out to Mack and James for letting me pay them later after I moved out), and I was terrified that I wasn’t going to be on time with that payment. The only time my dad ever helped out with money was when I was $20 short on that month’s rent. I’ll admit, I didn’t think he would do that at all. I was so happy I wept like a child. Even though my roommates/friends were probably unhappy with my situation, I’m thankful that they didn’t completely give up on me in that regard. I’m sure I’m not the first person in the world that couldn’t afford to pay everything at once, but it was all that I can do.

With all of that, I moved back home to Grafton. I moved back in with my mom and started commuting to Milwaukee for either school or band practice. I was sad to not live with my friends and be closer to the pals I made in the city, but at least Grafton is less than a half hour away. Plus, I drive down there once a week for band practice, so if I get the chance, I’ll hang out with friends afterwards or before. That all being said, I’m thankful that I still have friends in the Grafton area (shout-out to my best friend Jake for living a block away from me for the last decade), and my family is up here, too. Even if I don’t see them that much, it makes me happy that they’re close.

So, why did I move back to Grafton? A big reason is money, but in even bigger than that, it’s my home. Does that mean I’ll stay here forever? Not necessarily. I would love to live in the big city again at some point, but I need to make sure that I am financially stable in some way, shape, or form. But, for now, Grafton is where I’ll hang my hat. Grafton is where I’ll take my horses in the back to the ole town road and riiiiiiiide ‘em ‘til I can’t no more (that goddamn song has been stuck in my head for a week and a half, and I hate it, so now my readers shall suffer with me). Thanks for reading!

I’ve been thinking about what to write about for my next blog post for a bit. I was gonna talk about my current job situation (nothing bad, just how it’s gonna end soon), but then something happened with it that messed up what I was gonna write about, so now I’m back to the drawing board. I started thinking about where I’m at creatively in my music, and so I thought, “Why not write about my band history?” And better yet, along with that, why not write about what you’ve learned from those bands?

Short history lesson: I started playing music when I was six or seven. My parents made me take piano lessons before learning guitar because it would help me with learning music later on (totally didn’t want to as a child, but I guess I’m thankful now as an adult). Started playing guitar when I was eight, picked up drums/percussion when I was 14, bass was somewhere in there, too, and singing for me started around the same time as guitar. When I was in eighth grade, my first band formed. We were called Shattered Horizon (edgy, I know), but in freshman year of high school, we changed our name to The Original Summer (also funny name, but still unique). This band lasted all throughout high school, and it was super fun to do! I had this feeling of “Finally, I have a band that I can write music for!”

We started out playing as many Green Day songs as we could (deep cuts, mind you, cuz we were all, and still are massive fans), but the majority of our existence was writing our own material. It was something I had been dreaming of ever since I was a kid, and for a bunch of high school kids from the small town of Grafton, our songs were pretty killer. During all that writing, we went through lineup changes here and there. I started out as the drummer of the band, but around my sophomore year of high school, I switched over to rhythm guitar (I hadn’t stopped playing guitar, so it wasn’t a hard transition). We went through drummers almost as bad as Spinal Tap, but it was all good for the most part. TOS has two albums of material somewhere on the internet, the second one being on SoundCloud, if you can find it. But who listened to it? No one, really. Except for the friends we had that watched us play our talent shows.

We only played three shows outside of Grafton: two at the Miramar and one at the Metal Grill (now X-Ray Arcade). All three were put on by a booking company that is no longer trusted by the local music scene (I will not name names, but I do that my Milwaukee musician friends know exactly who I’m talking about). At the time, we were fresh out of high school and wanted to play more. The first Miramar show and the show at Metal Grill were okay, I guess, but none of our friends showed up to either. The second Miramar show, which would also be our last, turned out to be the best show we have ever played as a band. It was bittersweet, however, because we had a member quit a month prior, and we didn’t know that it would be our last show. These shows also taught us about the crapshoot that is “Pay-to-Play,” because we had to sell tickets all three shows. Those kinds of deals, looking back on this now as someone who has booked/played shows at houses and bars for either free or little pay, stink. This’ll pop up later on, but I would much rather book my own shows instead of working with a company that has done some shady shite in the local scene.

The end came for this band in the spring of 2015. We were trying to record some more new music, but to our dismay, we kinda felt like it was time to put the kibosh on the band. I had become busy with school and living in Milwaukee while the other two members were still up in Grafton didn’t help me any, so we just kinda stopped unannounced. I am still thankful for my time with that band, and I am still friends with some of the members. I still consider them, and those years to be very important to me as a musician, and as a human being, too. I can’t thank all of the member of The Original Summer enough for making high school suck less.

During the majority of 2015, I wasn’t writing much music of my own. I was without a band until the beginning of 2016. During January of that year, I started writing songs again. The very first song I wrote for a new band was “Major Switch with a Major Change” (see post about my switching majors), and for the first time in months, it felt amazing to have written a song. I figured I had something good, so why not continue writing songs again? From that moment came the next band, Second Charm. It went through various lineup changes and name changes before settling on what I considered to be the official (and longest standing) lineup of the group: me (vocals/guitar), Alex Hardy (bass/vocals), Jake Hardy (guitar), and John Pankow (drums). Here’s a fun fact: I originally wanted to just be the singer and find other players to learn the songs (kinda like Nine Inch Nails meets first album-era Foo Fighters). Thankfully, it didn’t work out, as I felt more comfortable playing guitar and singing like I did in The Original Summer…also I wrote the songs, so I knew how to play them anyway.

Forming Second Charm was my introduction to the Milwaukee music scene. Many lessons were learned including: keep the set short and sweet, house shows rule, there are too many bars/not enough all ages spots and booking shows for your band are fucking difficult. The last point is one of the more important ones, especially if you want to make a name for yourself as a local band. I also learned how to essentially be in a band, as well, because even though I wrote all the songs on the first EP (Stuck) and a good chunk of the second EP (Spitball), I still had to cooperate with other people. I had to be open to suggestions on what to write, how to play parts, how to play shows, how to present ourselves as a band, and so on and so forth. I’m very thankful for Alex in most of these situations because he was my co-pilot through all the time the band was active and he was in it. I’m also very thankful for the friends that I made during our activity because it show me that the music scene in Wisconsin, no matter what the city, is very tightknit, super exciting, and DIY as heck.

Then, after recording and releasing the second EP, playing our first out of town show in Oshkosh, and one of the last Dad Palace shows in Milwaukee (my favorite house show we’ve done as Second Charm in my opinion), it all stopped. Everything came to a somewhat abrupt halt, and we didn’t know what to do about it. Why did we stop? The truth of the matter is that everyone became busy with other life shit and other projects. In the summer of 2018, we kinda concluded that we all lost interest in the band and that other stuff was taking up way more time and needed more commitment. And you know what? I’m okay with that. I would like to point out that there is absolutely no bad blood between any of us, and we are all very supportive of each other’s different musical ventures that we have going on. Also, we don’t hate the other members of each other’s different bands, too. Heck, one of my favorite shows I ever did was the first attic show I ever threw with Jake and Alex’s other band, Mud Dog (please check them out, they’re insanely talented). I interviewed members of the band Versio Curs, which is a band that Alex joined shortly before Second Charm’s demise, and they’re gonna be super successful this year cuz they rock to no end. And Alex and Jake are both fans of my current band, Nobody’s Fault, which John is also in! So yeah, we don’t see each other often, but we don’t hate each other. I don’t think Second Charm will ever come back, but if we’re all still friends and wanna rejuvenate the project, then why not? But, for now…

My current focus is my new band called Nobody’s Fault. How this band started has a weird backstory which actually involves the previous band. Both of the other members include members of Second Charm…sorta. As stated before, our drummer John was also in Second Charm, and our bassist, Stephen Jensen, was one of the earliest members of that band before the final lineup solidified. John and Stephen had actually communicated with each other years prior when Stephen and I first became friends and tried forming a band the first time. We all finally met each other at various times in our lives/musical careers, and we all became friends with one another pretty quick. During the beginning of Second Charm’s inactivity, John and I weren’t really doing much. Stephen had been without a band for a bit as well, so he reached out to John and me to see if we wanted to jam. Low and behold, Nobody’s Fault was born.

There were a couple of reasons why I said yes to starting the band. A big reason is the music that the band does is way heavier than what my previous bands had played, so I thought that would be a fun challenge in terms of songwriting and being in a band in general. Another one, as I already said, Second Charm was essentially done, so I had nothing going on except writing a couple of songs by myself that were in the vein of Julien Baker or Owen. Another reason is that I had already played with both Stephen and John before, so I figured we would sound great together. What we would come up with, I had no clue, but I was excited about doing something with people that are not only my friends, but people who are talented as heck. I won’t get too much into stuff we’ve done, but we’re approaching the one-year anniversary of this band in June (July? I have no idea), and we’ve already played a crazy amount of shows, played with insane bands (shout-out to Hartwell, Calling All Captains, and Luca just to name a few), recorded and released our first EP all by ourselves, and we’re still writing and getting more shows together for the rest of the year. It’s really insane how busy we’ve become, but I am very thankful and proud of what we have already accomplished!

As I’m finishing this post up, I’m thinking about all of the things that each band has accomplished. I’ll admit, there’s way more stuff that I feel proud of than I remember, and that’s not a bad thing at all. The act of reflecting on your past can be both fun and scary, and in this situation, it’s been fun to remember all of the practices I had in my basement in high school, to playing house shows in college, to ultimately growing as a songwriter in a couple of genres now. I’m very proud of not only what I’ve accomplished as a musician, but what each band has accomplished in their own right. I’m also thankful for all the fellow musicians I’ve made friends with along the way, especially in Second Charm and Nobody’s Fault. I ain’t stopping any time soon, so get ready, y’all. Tunes are gonna keep on comin’!

Alright, boys and girls. Gather around the radio, black and white TV, 8-Track, VCR or whatever it is you have that’s considered by many to be an ancient relic or artifact of a simpler time. This is the story of why I still find the outdated outstanding.

The first DVD player that my family ever owned was obtained back in 2003. There were two reasons why we got it: 1. DVDs were becoming the “hot, new thing,” and 2. Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over. Up until this year, my family, like most others, had a bunch of movies and TV show episodes all on VHS. As the first reason states, DVDs were becoming increasingly popular because they were more “high-tech.” For one thing, they had special features on them including behind the scenes featurettes, actor/director commentary, and a lot of other interactive stuff. As the second reason states, I wanted to get it on DVD instead of VHS because apparently, you couldn’t put the 3-D effects onto a videotape. My eight-year-old brain didn’t want to get the boring 2-D version of the movie, so I think I partially begged my mom to get a DVD player, so I can get the 3-D version of the movie. Plus, free 3-D glasses! This was also at a time when 3-D was still in it’s “blue and red” phase, before the RealD 3-D glasses came along.

From then on, all the movies and TV shows we got were all on plain DVD. First there was the fullscreen format, then there was the widescreen format, then there came the short-lived HD DVD formats for movies (the DVD player we currently own is an HD DVD player, but it functions just fine with regular DVDs), and then finally, Blu-ray became the norm. This June will mark the 13^th anniversary of the first time the blue tinted discs hit the market and invaded the homes of literally every person on the planet. All the homes, except for mine. Unlike most of my friends, I stayed devoted to plain DVDs. Why stay a dinosaur? Let me explain.

Actually, before I explain, I do want to say that I have no problem with people that own movies and shows on Blu-ray. I do agree that stuff looks better on that format in comparison to plain DVDs. However, here are the reasons why I haven’t converted yet.

The first reason is that DVD versions of movies are still coming out. Even with all the advances in technology we’ve made since 2006, people are still buying regular DVDs. I think that if the film/TV industry stopped producing plain DVDs, people would riot, and the industry’s sales will decline very quickly. So, as long as they keep coming out, I will keep buying them. The second reason is that Blu-rays are just fucking expensive (let the record show that is my opinion and is coming from someone whose grace period for their student loans ends this July…not that you needed to know that). Never mind the fact that streaming services like Netflix, Hulu, and Vudu are around because those are also very costly, sometimes costlier than Blu-rays. Fortunately, regular DVDs dropped down in price because the industry wants the most profit out of the hot new thing, which makes poor folk like me want to stick with DVDs even more than going to the Blue Side (ha ha). The third reason is that technology is STILL advancing even though Blu-rays are the norm! Everything is getting a 4K release or re-release, or an Ultra HD Blu-ray version is coming soon, or Blu-ray steel book collector’s items are in now (I guess it’s more for looks/collectors, but hopefully this still proves my point). At this point, I’d still be playing catch-up with the train I hadn’t hopped on twelve years prior. That’s another reason why I stopped playing video games, too. That, and getting a job while in high school was the other reason.

Weird transition, but remember when people thought vinyl albums were history? I somewhat do, too. All of a sudden, especially within the last maybe five years or so, vinyl started making a comeback and started becoming cool again; partially for collectors, partially because people still like to listen to full albums one way or another. But, before that resurgence happened, CDs were becoming the new craze that people had to have. After that, iTunes, Spotify, Amazon Music, and so many other things came along and put CDs by the wayside for most people. I’m still someone that likes physical product, and although I do use Spotify to listen to music casually, I will go out and buy the CD or vinyl of an album if I like the band or the album. As stated before, if they continue making the product, people like me will continue to buy it.

Part of the inspiration for this post came from me posting about me finally completing the collection of Marvel Cinematic Universe movies, which are all on DVD, and another part of the inspiration was just because I stand by the formats of the products that I buy. I still think products such as regular DVDs and albums on CD are super cool, and I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who thinks the same. Granted, I may be one of the younger people that follow this ideology, but I’ve invested a lot of time and money (mostly money) into collecting these formats that I don’t want to switch over at this point in my life. I know that people have Blu-ray collections, and that’s also really great! That’s the format that they prefer. For me, I’m a simple man in that regard. I prefer DVDs, and I have no trouble sticking to it. And you best believe I’m gonna marathon the heck out of those Marvel movies before Avengers: Endgame comes out next month…which I don’t think I’m ever gonna be prepared for.

I was gonna write this post regardless, but since it’s St. Patrick’s Day today, I may as well post it now. This is the story of why I started drinking.

I know you’re probably thinking, “What do you mean ‘why you started’?” Well, let me tell you, for the longest time, I was straight edge. For those of you who don’t know what the term is, “straight edge,” coined by the great Ian MacKaye of Minor Threat/Fugazi fame, is a punk rock ideology that burst onto the hardcore scene in the early 1980’s. Bands like Minor Threat, 7 Seconds, Government Issue, and Youth of Today are noteworthy for popularizing this way of living. The main rules of being straight edge are as follows: no alcohol consumption, no tobacco use, and no other recreational drug use whatsoever. Other optional rules include no caffeine consumption, no promiscuous sex, and following a vegetarian/vegan diet.

Before I went to college, I followed this ideology (with the exception of no caffeine, because let’s be real, coffee heals all wounds). I never partied in high school. I was always hanging out with friends, but drugs and alcohol were never present. Most of my friends were not drinkers in high school, either, but once they turned 21, it all changed. When I turned 21, that’s when change happened for me, too, but we’ll get to that later.

Once I entered college, I knew that people my age (18, at the time) would be drinking or doing whatever they wanted that they could get their freshman hands on. Note to anyone reading this that’s under 18, DON’T DRINK UNTIL YOU’RE 21! And if you don’t want to touch alcohol at all, that is perfectly okay, too. That being said, some of the friends I was making in college had either started drinking and smoking cigarettes when they go to the dorms or before the graduated high school. I was not one of those people, and I didn’t know how to act around them when they were doing so. I was fine with telling people I didn’t want to take a swig of any kind of drink or drug for two reasons: the first being I wasn’t 21 yet, and the other being I just didn’t f*cking want to, ok??? Thankfully, I never burst out at anyone like that, but there were definitely times that I thought it. I was never seriously peer pressured into drinking during my first two years at UWM, but as stated earlier, that changed when I turned 21.

On my 21^st birthday, I went out to dinner with the girlfriend I had at the time to Bar Louie. I had promised her a few days before going that I would try something because she wanted me to. She and I had talked about it previously, and she knew where I was coming from with my decision, but she really wanted to have try something at least once, just to say I tried it and didn’t like it. The drink I ordered was some sort of sangria, and I was very hesitant to take the first sip. Upon that fateful sip, I didn’t like the taste of it. I tasted the alcohol more than the fruit, but because it was X amount of dollars, I’d feel like a jerk if I didn’t finish most of it. It was weird telling my mom about trying it and then having her talk about going to bars in general. I didn’t want to have any other alcohol, but that same girlfriend decided to have me try something better: Arbor Mist wine. That was when I got hooked. Fruity, cheap, and goes great with laughing your ass off to the movie Pulp Fiction.

Mixed drinks are hit or miss for me. I would always get vodka and lemonade, or vodka and orange juice (affectionately known as a “Screwdriver”). Until recently, I enjoyed rum and Coke, but how I fell out of loving it is a story for a different time. One of the best things I ever had was at Mad Planet, they have a mango flavored vodka. That mixed in with Sprite is god tier. Beer is also a different story. I’m very much a light beer person in general, but I tend to stick to a select few. PBR will always hold a place in my heart because it was the first beer that I tried and actually liked. Spotted Cow is smoother and a Wisconsin staple, so I’d probably be slapped repeatedly if I didn’t try it at least one. Miller Lite is recent to me, but I dig it occasionally. Outside of beer, margaritas are always fun, Mike’s Hard Lemonade was my main drink until I got into beer, and Angry Orchard is a godsend beverage. Wells Banana Bread Beer was also something I’ve been obsessing over recently. If you are of legal age, I highly recommend this.

Other than what I mentioned in the above paragraph, I don’t explore outside my comfort zone. One reason is because of some bad experiences, and another reason is because I don’t drink very often unless it’s with my friends in Grafton or Milwaukee. Now, I know this is going to be controversial, especially on St. Paddy’s Day, but I HATE Guinness. Hate, hate, hate it. I tried it once on St. Paddy’s Day two years ago and couldn’t drink more than I quarter of what was poured for me. After that, I knew for a fact that I wasn’t going to like any kind of darker beer. That is one bad experience that I had with alcohol. Another story involves moonshine at an amazing music festival up in Oshkosh called Rock USA. In fact, I could probably make three posts out of that one trip.

I will leave off with this and admit that there are times where I think, “Where would I be if I still lived the straight edge life? Would I have not made any friends? Would girls think I’m unattractive?” I can say for certain that my memories would not be the way they are if I hadn’t had a sip of alcohol. That being said, I have learned that, with GREAT MODERATION, drinking responsibly can be fun. I’m thankful to have not become an alcoholic, and I am very sorry for those that either struggle with it or know of someone who is currently/used to struggle with it. If you do drink, please do it responsibly. You can still have fun if you know your limits, and that is what I’ve come to learned since my 21^st birthday. Happy St. Patrick’s Day, everyone. Stay safe and celebrate responsibly tonight.

Those who know me have seen that since last December, I decided to shave my head to more of a buzz cut. This is a story of how I did something I had been against since I was able to speak words.

Growing up, I had a multitude of hair styles. In elementary school, I had the usual cut of hair that was combed down to the front, but not too much. It wasn’t so much Coconut Head from Ned’s Declassified as it was just an average dorky elementary school kid. In middle school, I decided to become a rebel and grow my hair out. There’s only a few select pictures of me on social media with that hair style, but if you can find them, you have every right to make fun of me for it. Trust me. I didn’t look like the metal musician I wanted to be. That style ended the summer after 7^th grade. I’ve had faux-hawks on and off for the following two years afterwards, but it went back to normal around junior year of high school. It was pretty normal for a while, and then around my sophomore year in college, I noticed something happening.

Around the time I was turning 20, I was balding. At first, I wasn’t believing it, but it was true. I know that there were some contributing factors to my premature hair loss:

• My weight had been fluctuating since I was a teenager. I remember being 196 lbs. during the majority of my senior year of high school. That was probably the heaviest I had been up to that point. I was usually around the 180-185, but I remember after a night of having too much pizza at a school basketball game, I felt sick. When I got home that night, I told myself, “I gotta do something about this.” I decided to stop snacking, ate healthier foods for lunch (shout-out to caesar salads), and quit drinking soda for the most part. Within a month, I was 169 lbs, which meant I lost a whopping 25 lbs. pretty quickly. That all changed when I discovered the college meal plan and all of the glorious junk food that I didn’t have to “pay for” at UWM. I quickly gained the “Freshman 15” back and then some. I think I may have gone beyond 196 at that point, but I honestly don’t remember. I started losing weight again steadily, but once I was living on my own off campus, I didn’t eat a lot of meat, and I also garnered back some more will power towards most junk foods. I hadn’t noticed the weight loss again until a co-worker of mine asked me if I had lost any weight, to which I replied, “I guess so?” with a chuckle. He said that I looked great and that he was proud of me. After hearing him say that, I thought to myself, “Wow. Maybe I have been losing weight again.” The main point of me telling you all of this is that I knew for a fact that drastic changes in weight, both up and down, have to do with hair loss, and I think I figured that out by the time I started noticing my hair beginning to thin.

• Stress became a huge factor in my college years with switching majors (see previous blog post for that story), along with homework, any of the jobs I had at the time, and maintaining relationships with loved ones. It all became too much at certain points, and I’m pretty sure that stress/anxiety goes hand in hand with hair loss. There were times that I wanted to pull may hair out, but I don’t remember if I did or not. I also feel like this goes in hand with the previous point because stress eating is in fact real, and I have done that more times than I’d like to admit.

• Genetics has something to do with it. Both my father and grandfather are either bald or balding, so I, unfortunately, knew that it would happen to me at some point. When that was, I didn’t know, but I was counting on that happening to me after I reached middle age. Now I’m not sure if this is a myth or not, but when I was younger, I heard from somewhere that balding can be genetic, but it had to be on the mother’s side of the family. Unfortunately, I cannot confirm this because I know nothing about my maternal grandfather or his side of the family, but that’s because he died when I was young, and he was out of the family picture long before then. So for now, I do what any good son does and blames his father. Love you, Dad.

After I noticed that my hair was thinning, I turned to wearing hats almost 24/7, whether it was at a job, in classes, or hanging out with friends. The only people that saw me without a hat were my parents, siblings, and my then girlfriend. Turns out, wearing a hat for the majority of the day isn’t good for your hair as well because it probably stunts hair growth or something. However, it was all I could do as I was self-conscious of the hair on my head for longer than I wanted to be. By the end of 2018, I had made my mind up: I’m gonna shave my head.

I had mentioned in the intro of this story that this was something that I had been against shaving my head since I was a kid. That was indeed a fact because every time the idea of a buzzcut was brought up around me, albeit rare, I was quick to react by saying, “NEVER!” But as my 23^rd birthday was coming up, I had been thinking about all the changes that I had gone through up to that point and figured that it was time. It was time to keep on changing. So, on December 6, 2018 (my 23^rd birthday), I went into the place I usually get my haircut and told the lady who has been cutting my hair since I was in elementary school that I wanted my hair buzzed off.

I gotta say, I was still nervous about it, even while I was sitting in the chair with the barber shop smock around my neck. When it was over, my head felt a little lighter, but nothing else changed. Wearing a hat was weird, though. It itched a little bit, but not too bad. The morning after, when I took a shower, it was the greatest feeling EVER. Highly recommend.

Since that fateful day I get my hair shortened again about once every month. The sides grow back faster than the top of my head, but I’ve come to terms with that fact even before my hair was shaved off. I’m still not confident enough to shorten it myself, but that will probably be the next goal. Right now, I’m just happy that I conquered a long-term fear for once in my life. I would also like to say thank you to everyone who has said I look amazing with it buzzed off. That means more to me than anyone will ever know. Still gonna wear hats, though.